Saturday, September 15, 2012

3-year-old Matchmakers

Being a nanny, regardless of the demands, is always entertaining. Here's a few snippets of the conversations that I have with SB and H while driving home from school.

H says, "Where are we going?"

I say, "Home!"

H pauses to think. Then he says with his adorable curiosity, "Do you have kids at home?"

Not sure whether to be pleased that H thinks I look old and mature enough to have my own kids, or be offended that he thinks I am older than I am. Being ever optimistic, I take it as a compliment and inform him that no, I do not have any kids at home.

H says, "Oh so your kids are all grown up?"

Definitely offended now. So I decide to clear his adorable 3-year-old brain of any misunderstanding.
"No no no H, I don't have a husband, so I don't have kids yet."

This comment surprises or appalls H into a shocked silence. But SB is now intrigued.

SB says, "You don't have a husband? But you have to have a boyfriend, right?"

You're killing me kid. "No SB, I don't have a boyfriend."

SB is almost offended. She replies in her "I know everything and therefore you must do what I say" tone. "But Abby, you need a boyfriend."

Before I can explain to SB that I don't NEED a boyfriend, H is shocked out of his silence.

"It's okay Abby I'll find you a boyfriend."

SB however, quickly reminds me that H can't be my boyfriend because he is too young, nor can I have any of her boyfriends because they are hers.

H then begins to list off every boy he has ever met, regardless of age or marital status. I let him keep going until he falls asleep in his car seat.

Fast forward a few days. We are at CFA eating kids meals and altogether being ridiculously silly. After profusely begging SB to eat her chicken nuggets, I turn to H who has gotten a hold of my phone and started taking pictures of everyone around us. Suddenly H sits up and points to the door.


I look at the door. I don't see anything.

"What are you pointing at H?"

He turns and points toward the counter, and shouts even louder. "LOOK!"

We all look at the counter and all I see is a couple people ordering meals.

"H what are you pointing at?"

By this point he is getting frustrated. "No look thhheeerrree!"  He shouts even louder and starts pointing repeatedly. "Look Abby I found your boyfriend!"

In horror I realize that H is pointing at a poor young man about to order his meal. He's maybe 5 yards away and has turned to stare at the 3-year-old matchmaker who is gleefully excited about his latest set-up. I am appalled.

I smile apologetically at H's target and skillfully distract H by reminding him about his brownie. Thankfully I am saved from further embarrassment by the fact that SB has thrown H's lemolade (the correct pronunciation of lemonade) in the trash - which upsets him to the point that we have to leave the restaurant immediately to avoid a melt down.

Lesson learned. It doesn't matter if they are 3 or 30, your friends will always feel the need to set you up with people. H was a bit disappointed that things didn't work out with random CFA guy, but found comfort in the fact that I promised I would ask for his approval and permission before I dated anyone. SB said she would definitely tell me if she didn't like him.

Thanks kids, glad you've got my back. Life with them is adorably chaotic.

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