Conversations in the Flex

Sometimes my head and heart are so full of dreams and ideas and funny little sayings that I am spilling over with things to write about. Unfortunately, this often leads to being too overwhelmed to actually talk about anything because I can't seem to pin down a good place to start. Which is my main excuse for inconsistent blog posts. So here are a few nanny snapshots because I can't write anything inspirational...

Like every day, we are driving home from school in the Flex. SB, from her booster seat in the back, is lamenting the fact that after Valentine's Day, there will be no holidays for a long time. From the front S agrees, sad that the 4th of July is more than five months away.

I am appalled at their ignorance of what is, in my opinion, the best holiday of them all.

A: "Hellooooo... what about Easter?!"

S: "Oh yeah, I forgot about Easter!"

SB: "Yay, the Easter Bunny!"

Again appalled because Easter is not about the Easter Bunny.

A: "SB, Easter is not about the Easter Bunny."

S: "Then what is it about?"

Luckily we are in traffic, so I can bang my head on the steering wheel without endangering their lives. I look at S in horror, but before I can say anything...

SB: "It's about candy!"

Can this get any worse? Really??! But I am determined to hold on to the hope that they really do know, they're just being ridiculous, or forgetful, or just plain silly.

A: "No SB it's not about candy!"

And out of nowhere H pipes up...

H: "Yeah, SB it's not about caannddy, it's about Healthy Food!"

I surrender in a fit of laughter. My frustration is swamped by H's sweet attempts at goodness. I calmly explain that Easter is actually about Jesus. How he left his Father and all his glory and came rushing to our rescue. How he chose to love us despite all our whining and complaining and lying and took all our badness and died, so we could have his goodness instead. And then in the greatest magical moment of all - better than candy or healthy food or the ending of the best fairy tale imaginable - he came back to life. And we are going to live with him forever and have the best adventures. 

Take that Mr. Easter Bunny. Then S says, "well of course I knew that," and my confidence in their holiday knowledge is once again restored. Later on S and I start talking about Valentine's Day....

S: "You know what's sad?"

A: "What?"

S: "It's really sad that Honey Boo Boo's mom has a boyfriend."

A: "I completely agree. What is this world coming to? That is very sad."

S: "Well, it's not sad for me, I'm 13 and have plenty of time. It's just more sad for you."

Bahahahaha! I laughed so hard I cried, and informed S that my standards for boyfriends were much higher than Honey Boo Boo's mother.

Conversations at Starbucks with a 4-year-old

H: Abby, who is your favorite person?

A: Is this a trick question?

H: Who is your favorite person?

A: Um... Jesus.

H: No, it can't be someone who lives in the sky!

A: (Hmm... good point?) I don't have favorites. I love everyone the same.

H: No, who is the favorite kid you babysit?

A: I like, S, SB and H the best.

H: If you don't say just me, I won't let you play with my toys.

A: That hardly seems fair.

H: (Takes another bite of doughnut) Well... since you got me a doughnut, I guess I'll let you play with them. 

I really do love them all the same. But H has such a knack for saying things that make me giggle. 

3-year-old Matchmakers

Being a nanny, regardless of the demands, is always entertaining. Here's a few snippets of the conversations that I have with SB and H while driving home from school.

H says, "Where are we going?"

I say, "Home!"

H pauses to think. Then he says with his adorable curiosity, "Do you have kids at home?"

Not sure whether to be pleased that H thinks I look old and mature enough to have my own kids, or be offended that he thinks I am older than I am. Being ever optimistic, I take it as a compliment and inform him that no, I do not have any kids at home.

H says, "Oh so your kids are all grown up?"

Definitely offended now. So I decide to clear his adorable 3-year-old brain of any misunderstanding.
"No no no H, I don't have a husband, so I don't have kids yet."

This comment surprises or appalls H into a shocked silence. But SB is now intrigued.

SB says, "You don't have a husband? But you have to have a boyfriend, right?"

You're killing me kid. "No SB, I don't have a boyfriend."

SB is almost offended. She replies in her "I know everything and therefore you must do what I say" tone. "But Abby, you need a boyfriend."

Before I can explain to SB that I don't NEED a boyfriend, H is shocked out of his silence.

"It's okay Abby I'll find you a boyfriend."

SB however, quickly reminds me that H can't be my boyfriend because he is too young, nor can I have any of her boyfriends because they are hers.

H then begins to list off every boy he has ever met, regardless of age or marital status. I let him keep going until he falls asleep in his car seat.

Fast forward a few days. We are at CFA eating kids meals and altogether being ridiculously silly. After profusely begging SB to eat her chicken nuggets, I turn to H who has gotten a hold of my phone and started taking pictures of everyone around us. Suddenly H sits up and points to the door.

"LOOK!"

I look at the door. I don't see anything.

"What are you pointing at H?"

He turns and points toward the counter, and shouts even louder. "LOOK!"

We all look at the counter and all I see is a couple people ordering meals.

"H what are you pointing at?"

By this point he is getting frustrated. "No look thhheeerrree!"  He shouts even louder and starts pointing repeatedly. "Look Abby I found your boyfriend!"

In horror I realize that H is pointing at a poor young man about to order his meal. He's maybe 5 yards away and has turned to stare at the 3-year-old matchmaker who is gleefully excited about his latest set-up. I am appalled.

I smile apologetically at H's target and skillfully distract H by reminding him about his brownie. Thankfully I am saved from further embarrassment by the fact that SB has thrown H's lemolade (the correct pronunciation of lemonade) in the trash - which upsets him to the point that we have to leave the restaurant immediately to avoid a melt down.

Lesson learned. It doesn't matter if they are 3 or 30, your friends will always feel the need to set you up with people. H was a bit disappointed that things didn't work out with random CFA guy, but found comfort in the fact that I promised I would ask for his approval and permission before I dated anyone. SB said she would definitely tell me if she didn't like him.

Thanks kids, glad you've got my back. Life with them is adorably chaotic.